8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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