I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
