Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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