things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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