My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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