did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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