if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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