living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
