Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
