you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
