I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
