i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
