Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
