tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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