she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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