when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
