Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize