Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
