I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
