it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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