So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
