dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
