My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize