In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
