If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
