He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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