you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
