i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
