My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
how drunk are you?
Several
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
