Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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