omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
