fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
