i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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