saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize