Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
