In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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