so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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