if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
