Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
