I wish I could teleport
If that was your dad, he is hot
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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