Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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