I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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