Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
