they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
