you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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