don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
