Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
