I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
