Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
