I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
