my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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