Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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