I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
