it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
