I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
