Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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