You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
