I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
