she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
