New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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