If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
