Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my poor anus
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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