I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
