So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize