all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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